Thanksgiving is just two weeks away. I can practically smell the turkey roasting in the oven. And before we know it, Christmas will be here! My Twitter feed is already full of holiday cheer as people begin their gift shopping, recipe swapping, and hint dropping.
… See what I did there?
In the hustle and bustle of this busy holiday season, there’s only one thing that I keep thinking about above everything else. It’s not presents, decorations, pumpkin pie, or friends and family.
Nope. It’s that time of year again, and I desperately need a vacation. Nothing big or extravagant, just two or three days away with my husband, exploring some unknown city (well, unknown to me at least), and escaping from the stress, anxiety, and depression that is always inevitable for me this time of year.
Ladies and gentlemen, if you have ever wondered who is bitter and crotchety enough to hate Christmas, you just met her (sort of).
Now, just to be clear, I don’t want anyone else to hate Christmas. I truly want nothing more than for to you enjoy the holidays and never feel the way I do. Keep the magic alive! You should be happy and excited, and I have no intention of taking that away or making you feel bad about it.
To be honest, I want to enjoy the holidays. I really do. But despite my best efforts every single year, I just can’t seem to make it through unscathed. Depression, painful memories, and dreams long gone just won’t let me.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that I’m giving up or giving in. It’s not in my nature!
This year, as I do every year, I’ll give it my best efforts. The day after Thanksgiving, I’ll dig the tree out of the storage room and decorate with as many twinkly lights, ropes of tinsel, silver bells, and glittery snowflakes as I possibly can. Then I’ll queue up a list of my favorite new and old Christmas tunes and rock out until my face turns blue. I’ll even watch my favorite Christmas movie at least a half a dozen times, which coincidentally enough happens to be How The Grinch Stole Christmas. If I’m up for it, I might even start working on some DIY Christmas crafts.
Then, as Christmas approaches, I will try my best every single day to stay upbeat and not let memories and painful reminders creep in. I’ll go look at all the pretty lights and maybe even drive through a few winter wonderlands. For the time being, I am still fairly excited about those things.
Each and every day, I will try my best to remember to forget. Who knows, it might even work. But if it doesn’t, if the darkness finds its way in despite my hard work, I’ll spend the rest of the holidays trying to push it back while pretending to be happy so I don’t mess up the holidays for everyone else. This is the part that I hate, the part that I dread from November 1st until January 1st when I can breathe a sigh of relief that it’s finally all over.
But in the meantime, I really need a vacation. Is that too much to ask?